On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
