I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
