The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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