Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
