I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I want a musical about memes.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
