Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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