I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
