Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
