I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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