I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just tell him i said nine months
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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