Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
