Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
