Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
