Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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