She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
