I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
