i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
