trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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