I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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