I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
