when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
