I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
