singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So many bounce houses so little time
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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