mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
