wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
