i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
