just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
