Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
