I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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