Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
