I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
