Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
