You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
