Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
