Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
