I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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