____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
