I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I stole a fireplace last night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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