His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
