Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
