it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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