At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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