I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
