my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
