things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
