Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
