fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
