I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
