Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
