My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
