just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
