did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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