After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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