I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
